I FOUND MYSELF

I Found Myself

My professional life had started to feel more stable. The first time I thought I needed psychological support was precisely because I was surprised at how clearly I knew where I wanted to go as an entrepreneur and CEO—and yet, at the same time, how blurry and directionless Ana Karla’s path seemed.

Imbalance

Back in college, I used to hear stories about successful women who achieved extraordinary things in their careers, but whose personal lives were (so to speak) a failure. Women who felt incomplete due to a lack of love or partnership, or women who wanted to get pregnant and had no one to do it with—or those who chose IVF from a sperm bank, whether because they lacked a partner or simply preferred it that way, but who still didn’t feel fully satisfied in the end. I think those stories echoed in my mind for years, and I simply decided to fit my life model into one of them.

Solitude

At 30, I moved out of my parents’ house to live on my own. At 31, I took my first introspective trip to Patagonia. As much as I enjoyed it, I have to admit that, being so far away, I sometimes thought it would’ve been better to travel with someone—that maybe solitude wasn’t for me, that “happiness is only real when shared.”

I decided to give it another chance, and eventually, I grew fond of and even fell in love with my own company. After that trip came many more—I highly recommend not being afraid to try it. Talking to your own conscience might give you more questions or, if you’re lucky, greater clarity—but one thing’s for sure: it will help you know yourself better.

Doubts

I’ve always felt tenderness for babies and children. I’m the kind of person who would volunteer to hold a baby in the room. But maternal responsibility never quite aligned with my lifestyle, my career plans, or the romantic relationship I was in.

Things began to change when one of my best friends had a baby. The way I saw her family routine and her new little world—father, mother, child—moved me deeply, and doubts began to surface. Did I actually want to be a mother? What a difficult decision. When I want to do something, I just do it—but this wasn’t like dyeing my hair pink, taking a trip, or getting a tattoo.

Indecision took over, and I didn’t do anything about it—or at least I didn’t for a few years. By that time, I already knew I could freeze my eggs, but I refused the procedure—partly out of laziness, and partly because I didn’t like that the suggestion came from my then-partner. I kept thinking: “Why doesn’t he want to have a child with me?” And my way of rebelling was to sabotage myself.

Changes

A new person came into my life, and with that, new dreams and desires. It wasn’t easy—I struggled to let go. I buried myself in books and therapy sessions.

Meanwhile, I continued studying for my MBA and dyed my hair once again. This time it was black—now that I think about it, maybe as a reflection of the difficult moment I was going through.

They say time is wise, and it was. I finished my degree, found refuge once again in my businesses, and flowed like a wave in the ocean.

Balance

You seek balance, but it finds you when you stop stressing about it.

Thanks to my partner, my family, my friends, my coworkers, and my dogs for being part of this time of waiting and peace.

Happiness is neither absolute nor eternal; we’ll keep working on it—today, tomorrow & always.